


On the Case

by SilverBerry500



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Detective Bill Cipher, Friendship, Gen, Human Bill Cipher, No Romance, Well it's kind of human bill, Will add more character tags the further we go, it's complicated - Freeform, just adding some of the definites for now, unless canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-06-06 12:43:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15195041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverBerry500/pseuds/SilverBerry500
Summary: Freelance investigator William Cipher is...something, to say the least. He's not exactly what you'd call investigator material, but people still seem to consider him to be the best of the best nonetheless. Despite his darker view of things, the eccentric investigator is the first one people go to.So, naturally, when Dipper discovers the journal and has a encounter with a giant gnome monster of all things, William is obviously the first person he goes to so he can hopefully unravel the secrets the town has to offer.





	On the Case

_Greetings my unholy followers! I just solved another case!_

_Just got a call from the void that my evidence and examinations were correct! Basic back-stabbing ex-friend, pretty much. Ironically, did not kill friend with knife to back; used poison._

_Yeah, sadly I couldn’t take any pictures of the house because of reasons like privacy violation-everything they said all pointed to them just being buzzkills-but hey, you’ll believe me! You media-consuming herds will eat up anything you read!_

_Don’t worry, I’m just kidding. Or am I? There’s some food for your frontal lobes to chew on!_

_Anyways, if you’ve just discovered this blog, god help you! Who am I kidding? There is no god!_

_From your favorite freelance private investigator that should probably be in a padded cell right about now,_

_William Cipher._

 

Cipher read the last addition he made to his blog and let out a long, drawn-out sigh. It had been about two weeks since that update and he had been given nothing of actual interest. There wasn’t any thing that was worth driving into the city for.

Some guy was stealing bread from some nerd’s bakery-said nerd not taking Cipher’s suggestion to ‘just poison the bread’ lightly, there were a couple people claiming they needed to set up cameras to catch their partners cheating-again, when he told them ‘Just shoot e’m. Can’t cheat if they’re dead’, they weren’t exactly amused-and there was a kid calling about the legalities of blowing up his school if no one was in it-in which he congratulated him in wishing to attempt what everyone wanted to do but didn’t have the guts to.

In short, he was bored, and there were no cases to stop him from feeling bored.

Cipher hit his head on his desk with a loud thunk, letting out a loud grumble. “Well, this sucks.” He turned to the glass bowl filled with water he had on his desk. “Hey, you know something I can do?”

The piranha in the bowl didn’t respond.

“Oh yeah, your dead-keep forgetting floating upside down isn’t because it’s comfortable.” He stated. He turned towards the mail he had set aside and grinned. “Hey, maybe looking at my crippling bills will help encourage me to avoid soul-crushing debt! What do you say, Stevie?”

“…”

“Right, right-you’re dead.”

He flipped through the bills that were due and frowned.

“…nope, still don’t want to work.” He muttered, tossing them back onto the desk. “I do have the desire to jump out a window now, though.”

He threw his hands up in the air, pushing away with his feet and letting the chair roll away from the desk. “Well, I’m out of ideas. At this rate, by the time a good case comes in I’ll be six feet under.” He turned to the bowl. “No offense, Stevie.”

“…”

“You know, all I want is a good case. Just something that’s INTERESTING.” Cipher stated. “Can the illusion of reality just grant me that?”  
Right then and there, there was a loud, menacing cackle. Cipher perked up at the familiar sound of the doorbell and hopped out of his chair, hurrying to the front door.

He swung it open excitedly, and was immediately disappointed.

It was just some twelve-year-old excited-looking kid, probably nothing more than just a fan that wanted the journal he was holding signed.

“Uh…” The kid muttered, looking away anxiously. He looked like he spent the whole time rehearsing what he was going to say but screwed up at the last minute. “Mr. uh…Cipher, sir?”

Cipher resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “Yep, freelance investigator, guy who probably came here through some otherworldly means, etc…”

“Great! Uh…I mean…” He trailed off. “I’m Dipper. Dipper Pines-”

“Dipper? What kind of parent names their kid Dipper?” Cipher gave him an odd expression.

“I-It’s a nickname. Anyways, I’ve been following your uh…research, and even if it’s kind of…odd-no offense or anything-I’m a big fan.”

Yup, his deduction was correct; autograph. “Look kid, I appreciate that you like my stuff but I don’t enjoy people coming to my doorstep for autographs-especially when I’m in the middle of a midlife crisis where I’m asking my dead fish for advice.”

“Oh don’t worry, I’m not asking for a-what?” The kid paused for a moment, giving him a confused look before brushing it aside. “Never mind. I had a case idea, if you’re not busy, that is.”

Cipher sighed. “Alright kid, shoot. Dog lost? Parent missing?”

“Well uh…have you ever heard of Gravity Falls?”   _  
_


End file.
